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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Galactic Express
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.21 18:56:00 -
[1]
I've got a better idea.
Q. What's tragic about an Amarrian dying in a shuttle crash?
A. A shuttle can hold at least twenty of them.
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Galactic Express
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.22 07:52:00 -
[2]
You still use light bulbs? Primitive.
So anyway, a Caldari and a Gallente get thrown off of a skyscraper, which one hits the ground first?
Neither. The Caldari had to get an authorisation form signed in triplicate to be allowed to reach terminal velocity and the Gallente was too busy forming a pressure group against gravity.
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Galactic Express
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.22 20:49:00 -
[3]
So an Amarrian walks into a bar... but it's quite obviously someone else's fault.
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Galactic Express
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.25 09:04:00 -
[4]
Edited by: Andreus Ixiris on 25/09/2006 09:10:31
How many Ammatars does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They beg the Ammarians to do it for them.
What's the difference between an Amarrian and a Blood Raider?
One is a bloodthirsty hypocrite dedicated to nihilism, worshiping a font of eternal youth, killing in the name of a child-killing, slaver devil-god. The other's a Blood Raider.
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Galactic Express
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.27 16:53:00 -
[5]
So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space.
"Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing.
So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target.
"Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up.
"Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!"
And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target.
"Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams.
At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Apocalypse the Amarrian is flying, killing him instantly.
And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims...
"Goddamnit, I missed"
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Galactic Express
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.28 16:36:00 -
[6]
Edited by: Andreus Ixiris on 28/09/2006 16:38:26
What do you call a Civire in a library?
The janitor!
What do you call an Achura with a speech impediment?
An Achura!
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Luna Rossa Corporation
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.10.01 17:52:00 -
[7]
I was certain that Gallente ships were created by congealing molten metal into the least symmetrical mould that could be found. I mean, I love my nation, but seriously, do my people have some irrational phobia of making things aerodynamic and equally-balanced?
I swear to the Almighty, the Brutix is the only symmetrical ship in the entire fleet. And don't even get me started on the Imicus...
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Luna Rossa Corporation
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.10.12 19:05:00 -
[8]
Two Amarrians get in a fight. Who wins?
The eight Minmatar slaves who were able to slip away while they were doing it.
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Luna Rossa Corporation
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.10.23 13:54:00 -
[9]
How many members of the Society of Conscious Thought does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. It isn't the lightbulb that needs to change, but themselves.
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Lucky Hydra Corp
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.11.02 11:34:00 -
[10]
Q. How many University of Caille graduates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but the case study will take three years.
Q. How many Heidon University graduates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, to say that the lightbulb is anything but totally functional is blasphemy!
Q. How many Republic University graduates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, but the only available lightbulb just so happens to be in 0.1 sec space.
Q. How many Science and Trade Institute graduates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. The lightbulb is obviously not a productive member of society and thus there isn't any point in trying to change 'em.
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Luna Rossa Corporation
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2007.01.28 15:17:00 -
[11]
Q. How many Amarrians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. They're all too busy screwing the Empire.
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Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Mixed Metaphor
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Posted - 2007.11.11 15:19:00 -
[12]
You might be an Amarrian if...
... you refer to a courier mission as a "pilgrimage".
... your guns require more energy for one volley than a Minmatar ship requires for one week of operation.
... your guns don't do as much damage in one week as a Minmatar ship does in one volley.
... you believe "Tea strainer" is a job description.
... you have never read the Scriptures cover-to-cover.
... most of your crew have.
... most of them are illiterate.
... the contents of your ship's cargo bay could make enough jewelry to supply half of a small continent.
... the hull of your ship could be used to supply the other half.
... your crew can pronounce "Ardishapur" better than you can.
... you have never heard a Gallente rock song.
... most of your crew have.
... you still talk about Gallente rock in angry terms.
... you have logged more hours writing sermons on GalNet than you have in active combat.
... your ship often gets blown up.
... your ship often gets blown up by Minmatar.
... your ship often gets blown up by Minmatar frigates.
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Mixed Metaphor is now recruiting! Contact me for details. |
Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Dichotomy
Total Comfort
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Posted - 2007.12.22 19:39:00 -
[13]
You might be a Caldari if...
... you describe blue as a feeling, rather than a colour.
... you become paralytic with fear at the sight of a flashlight.
... Titans can instantly lock your frigate.
... you believe that a laser light show is an accurate depiction of Hell.
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The views expressed in these posts, while inarguably correct, are not neccessarily the views of my corporation or alliance.
I never sleep. I wait. |
Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Dichotomy
Total Comfort
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Posted - 2007.12.23 21:49:00 -
[14]
 Originally by: Saraith Narr
Andreus Ixiris walks into a bar. Everyone else leaves.
Saraith Narr walks into a bar. After all the jokes we've had along this line already, you feel sure he should have seen it coming.
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The views expressed in these posts, while inarguably correct, are not neccessarily the views of my corporation or alliance.
I never sleep. I wait. |
Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Dichotomy
Total Comfort
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Posted - 2007.12.24 00:47:00 -
[15]
What's the difference between Amarrians and Serpentis?
Serpentis only hear voices when they're on Drop.
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The views expressed in these posts, while inarguably correct, are not neccessarily the views of my corporation or alliance.
I never sleep. I wait. |
Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Heretic Army
The Covenant Alliance
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Posted - 2008.01.16 15:05:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Ezekial Alexander
Edited by: Ezekial Alexander on 16/01/2008 06:46:38
So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space.
"Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing.
So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target.
"Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up.
"Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!"
And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target.
"Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams.
At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Megathron the Gallente is flying, killing him instantly.
And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims...
"Goddamnit, I missed!"
Hey, you stole that one from me! It's in this very thread!
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"I am prepared to meet my maker; whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." |
Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Heretic Army
The Covenant Alliance
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Posted - 2008.01.21 19:01:00 -
[17]
MirrorGod does not sleep. He waits.
MirrorGod does not warp. Planets and stargates move to him.
MirrorGod does not jump. He goes straight through.
MirrorGod does not dock. Stations are built and deconstructed around him.
MirrorGod does not mine. When he enters a belt, asteroids instantly reconfigure themselves, drive to a station and sell themselves on the market.
When MirrorGod uses laser cannons, they do kinetic and explosive damage as well.
Doomsday Devices are actually phones with MirrorGod's number on them.
The only known U-turn done while in warp was done roughly two months ago when CONCORD realised they were responding to a call-out on MirrorGod.
MirrorGod can bubble high-sec.
MirrorGod has a ninth hi-slot.
MirrorGod has a Tech 3 armour repairer.
MirrorGod can hull tank.
MirrorGod has trained Amarr Battleship 6.
MirrorGod can overload a Cloaking Device.
MirrorGod's only weakness is that he cannot use shields effectively, as errecting a deflector field big enough to contain all of his awesome was considered uneconomical.
The only thing that MirrorGod did not create is God. Whether God created MirrorGod is debateable.
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"I am prepared to meet my maker; whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." |
Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Heretic Army
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Posted - 2008.01.25 12:00:00 -
[18]
Originally by: Mad Scorpion
But then again you have the Drake. It's so symmetrical, it's boring to watch.
The Dominix is symmetrical - but that just means it's equally ugly on both sides.
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"I am prepared to meet my maker; whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." |
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